i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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