lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
