you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
