I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
