First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
