he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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