walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
