I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
