I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
