I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
