By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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