you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
