I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
