I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
