Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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