Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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