I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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