i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
