How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
