It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
