so that wasnt chicken after all
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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