I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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