I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sponge bath it is.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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