She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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