is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
