i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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