Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
