I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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