Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
