You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
