you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
