He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
