Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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