yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
