Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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