Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
