So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
