Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
