i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
