We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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