The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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