you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
