You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
