Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
