It's like God shit irony all over that family
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
