My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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