I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
