She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
