Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
