why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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