what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
