8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
