it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
