You work out of a Hotel?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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