Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize