I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
